James E. Faust -- Father, Come Home

The other day I was reading an unrelated article which quoted from this general conference talk given by James E. Faust in April 1993.  I was on my mission at that time.  :-)  Anyway, the quote in the article intrigued me so I decided to go read the entire talk.

As pertinent as this talk was 23 years ago -- it is even more so today. So I took the time to copy part of the talk to post on my blog.  Here are the excerpts from Elder Faust's talk that I thought were most important.

"In recent times, society has been plagued with a cancer from which few families have escaped. I speak of the disintegration of our homes. Immediate corrective treatment is urgent. In what I have to say, I do not wish to offend anyone. I affirm my profound belief that God’s greatest creation is womanhood. I also believe that there is no greater good in all the world than motherhood. The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. Single parents, most of whom are mothers, perform an especially heroic service.

"I hasten to acknowledge that there are too many husbands and fathers who are abusive to their wives and children and from whom the wives and children need protection. Yet modern sociological studies powerfully reaffirm the essential influence of a caring father in the life of a child—boy or girl. In the past twenty years, as homes and families have struggled to stay intact, sociological studies reveal this alarming fact: much of the crime and many of the behavioral disorders in the United States come from homes where the father has abandoned the children. In many societies the world over, child poverty, crime, drug abuse, and family decay can be traced to conditions where the father gives no male nurturing. Sociologically, it is now painfully apparent that fathers are not optional family baggage. We need to honor the position of the father as the primary provider for physical and spiritual support. I state this with no reluctance because the Lord has revealed that this obligation is placed upon husbands. “Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance, until their husbands are taken.” (D&C 83:2) Further, “All children have claim upon their parents for their maintenance until they are of age.” (D&C 83:4) In addition, their spiritual welfare should be “brought to pass by the faith and covenant of their fathers.” (D&C 84:99) As regards little children, the Lord has promised that “great things may be required at the hands of their fathers.” (D&C 29:48)

"It is useless to debate which parent is most important. No one would doubt that a mother’s influence is paramount with newborns and in the first years of a child’s life. The father’s influence increases as the child grows older. However, each parent is necessary at various times in a child’s development. Both fathers and mothers do many intrinsically different things for their children. Both mothers and fathers are equipped to nurture children, but their approaches are different. Mothers seem to take a dominant role in preparing children to live within their families (present and future). Fathers seem best equipped to prepare children to function in the environment outside the family.

"One authority states: “Studies show that fathers have a special role to play in building a child’s self-respect. They are important, too, in ways we really don’t understand, in developing internal limits and controls in children.” He continues, “Research also shows that fathers are critical in establishment of gender in children. Interestingly, fatherly involvement produces stronger sexual identity and character in both boys and girls. It is well established that the masculinity of sons and the femininity of daughters are each greater when fathers are active in family life.” (Karl Zinsmeister, “Do Children Need Fathers?” Crisis, Oct. 1992.)

"Parents in any marital situation have a duty to set aside personal differences and encourage each other’s righteous influence in the lives of their children.
...
"Holding the priesthood means following the example of Christ and seeking to emulate his example of fatherhood. It means constant concern and caring for one’s own flesh and blood. The man who holds the priesthood is to honor it by eternally cherishing, with absolute fidelity, his wife and the mother of his children. He is to extend lifelong care and concern for his children, and their children. The plea of David for his rebel son is one of the most moving in all of the scriptures, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!” (2 Sam. 18:33)
...
"I hope what I say will not be disturbing. In my opinion, any promise between a man and a woman incident to a marriage ceremony rises to the dignity of a covenant. The family relationship of father, mother, and child is the oldest and most enduring institution in the world. It has survived vast differences of geography and culture. This is because marriage between man and woman is a natural state and is ordained of God. It is a moral imperative. Those marriages performed in our temples, meant to be eternal relationships, then, become the most sacred covenants we can make. The sealing power given by God through Elijah is thus invoked, and God becomes a party to the promises.

"What, then, might be “just cause” for breaking the covenants of marriage? Over a lifetime of dealing with human problems, I have struggled to understand what might be considered “just cause” for breaking of covenants. I confess I do not claim the wisdom or authority to definitively state what is “just cause.” Only the parties to the marriage can determine this. They must bear the responsibility for the train of consequences which inevitably follow if these covenants are not honored. In my opinion, “just cause” should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being.

"At the same time, I have strong feelings about what is not provocation for breaking the sacred covenants of marriage. Surely it is not simply “mental distress,” nor “personality differences,” nor having “grown apart,” nor having “fallen out of love.” This is especially so where there are children.

"Confusion and disorder are all too common in society, but they must not be permitted to destroy our homes."

-- James E. Faust, April 1993 General Conference, Father, Come Home Emphasis added

Elder Faust makes some powerful points in his talk.  As he said, the disintegration of the family is a cancer plaguing our society.  Even more now than it was 23 years ago.  And he also mentioned that it is something few families escape. Thankfully, I have not been directly affected by divorce.  But, I have seen the devastating effects of divorce on close family members.

Two years after this talk was given The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles issued the family proclamation.  It succinctly defines family and our specific roles.  It also warns those who violate covenants and family responsibilities.

From The Family: A Proclamation To the World (1995):

"HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."

"WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."

Those are strong words from modern-day prophets to those who deliberately disregard their responsibilities as parents and spouses. The calamities spoken of are very much evident today.

People can rationalize away the catastrophic effects of divorce.  "Everybody gets divorced" "The kids are fine." "The divorce is not the reason why my kid is having trouble."  And whatever other lies you want to tell yourself. The truth is, divorce is the single most devastating catastrophic event that could happen to a child.  And just because a lot of people selfishly choose to abandon their families doesn't make it any less calamitous.

Back in 1993 Elder Faust focused on fathers abandoning their families.  Which I think is still the majority but more and more mothers are also choosing to abandon their families.  Either way, I have zero respect for anyone who chooses to abandon their families.  It is the epitome of selfishness.

By the way, regardless of who retains custody of the children, any time you break up the nuclear family by walking out on your spouse -- you are abandoning your family. The children will still suffer tremendous consequences of your choice.

Cry me a river all you want spewing your ridiculous rationalizations -- "we never got along" "we're not compatible" "we are not in love" etc. -- those are just lame excuses.  When you choose to marry and choose to have kids, you also choose the responsibility that comes with it. It is a very serious responsibility with severe consequences.

Unfortunately there are far too many selfish pansies who abandon their families thereby destroying their children's lives.  The destruction of the nuclear family is the downfall of society. Every family that has been destroyed by divorce creates a devastating environment for children who need both a father and a mother in the home in order to develop their full potential and thrive. Many of those children end up as statistics contributing to the ills of society.

So if you think your selfish choice to abandon your family has no repercussions-- think again. The repercussions are catastrophic to many people but especially to your children.

That's my two cents.