Wednesday, December 10, 2008
A Thousand Words
Some of you may be wondering (all three of you that read this blog :-)) why I posted an almost 7-year-old picture on my profile. The quick answer to that is, it was easy to find. Since I have so many self-portraits :-). But the real reason that I posted an old picture is because that is how I see myself. I see myself as a pretty, vibrant, young women with cool shoes :-) at least I thought they were cool. I don't see myself as the scarred, crippled, not very pleasant to look at, handicapped girl in the wheelchair that I am now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not delusional, I am very well aware of my present condition. But, I know that although the scars and injuries are permanent until the resurrection, I still feel like the person I was before the accident. Although I'm constantly reminded of my present condition, in terms of not being able to do anything for myself, peoples comments and stares when I'm out in public, etc. I still feel like I don't have much in common with other people in wheelchairs, and with my injuries. I credit a wonderful family, who treats me the same as they always have. And who does everything they can to help me in whatever I need. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family. Also, having the Gospel gives me an eternal perspective, and helps me realize the temporary nature of my condition. And it also helps not to be able to look in mirrors very often :-) let me give you an example of something that happened about a year ago. An acquaintance called me up and asked me to give a lecture at the school in which she works about how to treat handicapped children. In my mind I was thinking, why is she asking me? I felt like I have no knowledge or expertise in how to treat handicapped children. I was not handicapped when I was a child, and even now I don't feel like I have much in common with other people in wheelchairs. So call me crazy, but I still feel like the same person I was a little over six years ago. And I still see myself as the girl in the picture on my profile.
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tam, you are a beautiful woman no matter what. we all know that your condition is temporary and it sucks royally, but you are the same person inside. i loved your post today.
ReplyDeleteYou are as beautiful as ever Tam. When I look at you, I do not see anything other than my older sister who I have always, and will always look up to and love.
ReplyDeleteDitto to what Juliet and Mike said. Once I know someone, they always look the same to me, no matter what changes occur. People gain tons of weight and I don't even notice. People get old, I don't notice. My cousins who I will always remember as 8 year olds are now grown and have kids of their own, but I always think of them as my little cousins.
ReplyDeleteYou will always be my sister that is the famous cook in the family, the one I shared lockers with at school, that I roomed with in college, sang karaoke with, ran with, volunteered at the hospital with--You are the one who gave me courage to serve a mission. You are famous for your laugh and kicks and spins. I mean, we still laugh our necks off, "Well, Lisa..." =) (name that quote, ah-ha!) You are the one we all have to seek advice from for medical situations and even putting stuff together. That is who you are and always will be.
I know you wish you could wear your "cool" shoes and clothes--and many people probably don't understand dysreflexia and the reasons for why you can't, but like you said, you're still yourself on the inside. Resurrection day will come and you will be healed perfectly. You don't understand why people are inspired by you, but that is why Tam, it's because you don't see yourself as handicapped or different. You aren't bitter over your huge trials--you still have faith and a strong testimony and are an example to all.
Ditto's a bunch sweetheart, and to your family, you are still the Tammy that you always were. When we were living at Parkland Memorial Hospital when you were in I.C.U., I decided that you are my HERO, and that will never change. Since your horrific accident, I have never seen a negative attitude from you, or one complaint about your physical condition. What an inspiring example from a very special, loving individual. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Your Blog Rules
Got teary reading Lisa's comment and the rest of your awesome familys'.
ReplyDeleteOur spirits are so strong and I wish we all could see ourselves as God does--who we truly are--and let our spirits rule our bodies. You are a shining example of that, even while your body won't cooperate! Awesome post Tammy!